There is an art to social connecting, which calms our nervous system. When we look into the eyes of our reliable friend, or furry companion, there is a stabilization that occurs. The feeling of regulation is central and identifiable.  Think of a time when you were shaken by a life event, and were able to be calmed by your pet, a friend, or a helping professional.  Remember how their tone was, or what it was about them that was able to help.  

The Neuroscience is demonstrating that we can also calm ourselves, simply by remembering or imagining.  How is it, in this moment, to recall that tone, those calm eyes, or the way they listened.  Notice how it feels to imagine befriending a kind animal, and to connect with their breath and manner of being. The bottom line is that connection is a stabilizing force for us, when we are struggling with dysregulation.

So, what is dysregulation, exactly? 

Dysregulation is a state of ‘autonomic arousal’ in the nervous system, when we become triggered by a present-day event, or a memory. It is most commonly described as fight, flight, freeze, submit, or attach.  Autonomic arousal can be hyper-arousal (fight-flight-attach) or hypo-arousal (freeze-submit), and is generally marked by reactions designed to keep us safe. We often do things in this state, which do not make sense to us afterwards, because this state supersedes our logical brain circuits. It just acts to protect us in the moment of danger. As life continues, after the fact, some of the autonomic response can become ‘unexpressed’ in our system. This unexpressed response can result in more tendency to feel dysregulated, or other symptoms associated with trauma. 

There are many ways to regulate the system during the healing process, though our safe connections with others appear to be paramount. According to Dr. Stephen Porges, trauma is the result of the freeze response enacted as a necessity to survive a life event.  His research on the Vagus nerve has shown that our social engagement system gives us an avenue for regulating back into our window of tolerance (regulated nervous system state), rather we are experiencing trauma or a trauma memory.

Many implications arise, here, in terms of creating our trauma informed world. The most empowering, being, that we can use our safe connections to regulate and heal ourselves.  If we do not yet have safe connections, we can use our imaginations to begin developing the neural circuitry. We can turn to animals or spirituality. We can love the parts of ourselves that are experiencing the trauma. We can work with a trained trauma therapist, or coach. We can be that kind person for ourselves, no matter what other messages we have been given. We can have regular visits with our other helping professionals, teachers, group members, neighbors, or other safe acquaintances. 

Another implication arising here, is the power of our first responders, doctors, nurse practitioners, nurses, medical assistants, crisis workers, and therapists to assist in co-regulating directly following a traumatic life event.  Helping professionals are often the first ‘social encounters’ people experience when they are in recent or present moment trauma.  According to Bruce Perry, “There is no more effective neurobiological intervention than a safe relationship”. Sadly, there are more than enough stories of trauma survivors who missed an experience to co-regulate in those moments following a tragedy, due to their poor treatment by a responding helping professional.  Why are well meaning helping professionals treating traumatized people poorly?

​Often, they are also in a state of dysregulated nervous system responses! 

Helping professionals are less likely to receive their own help, for many reasons.  They also are carrying vicarious trauma from weekly exposure to this intensity, throughout their careers.  They are humans, with nervous systems of their own.  And, without help, their patterns of dysregulation become more and more entrenched, or sensitive, throughout their time at work.  

In a trauma informed world, we would be focusing on the helping professionals! We would be making sure that they were supported, debriefed, co-regulated by caring supervisors and regulations, properly compensated, educated about the nervous system, taught how to notice when they are dysregulated, supported by a team of trauma informed colleagues, given time off accordingly (without stigma), and forming procedures and protocols that took into account the benefit of social engagement following certain exposures.  In this way, these individuals could be more present, socially engaged, and trauma informed within their helping roles.  

There is a circle of care that is not being met in our current social and medical paradigm.  This is impeding our progress towards a trauma informed world, through no fault of (most) healthcare workers or other professionals.  There is a system over-burdened by trauma, and in a survival mode all of its own.  We are reacting to our daily regime, without the energy required to ‘look up’ or make changes in how we do things.  However, without incorporating trauma informed knowledge we are not lessening the need but increasing it over time.  

It is my hope that we find a moment to breath, center, and come together to begin addressing these challenges as a group.  In a greater capacity of 'informed world', imagine if we could be a group supported in these tasks by our larger system. Your comments, ideas, or questions are read and greatly appreciated.  Thank you for reading, sharing the blog link, and doing your part in creating a new paradigm.  Until next time, be well and take good care. Feel free to visit the links below for more information regarding the work of Bruce Perry, Stephen Porges, and Bessel A. van der Kolk. .  

“Fire can warm or consume, water can quench or drown, wind can caress or cut. And so it is with human relationships: we can both create and destroy, nurture and terrorize, traumatize and heal each other.” (Bruce D. Perry).

            "Slowing down" is a concept most often avoided by driven people, until we face a situation wherein it becomes a necessity.  For many of us, this means facing the music.  Staying busy, after all,  is often a powerful tool of distraction from our inner dialogue, thoughts about ourselves and the world, and emotions that are often uncomfortable.  This is especially true when we have grief, unresolved anger, and painful relationships, charged memories, chronic pain, or many other challenges.  Turning inward to face these challenges can lead to their being healed or to our improved ability to cope with them. This process can seem quite daunting when we might not have the tools or “road map” for such a journey.  While the actual order of these steps may be different for each individual, some guideposts on this road map can help.
               A fundamental tool is a support system.  This system can be many individuals (such as family and friends), a group that is supportive, or one caring person.  How we go about finding such support can be a large step for many of us who have become used to isolation and “going it alone”.   When the comfort zone has become more of a box, it is time to challenge ourselves to step out of the isolation box, especially if we truly want change.  Healing is change.  We can try calling a helper in the area, going to a support group new to us, attending a community event we would normally avoid, or calling an old friend to make amends and rekindle the relationship.  There are many options to explore, even in a rural area.
                A second tool is having a self-care plan. We need this in place before and during our healing journey.  This way, we always have something to fall back on if we are having emotional difficulty or need to give ourselves special attention.  Many of us have been taught to “feel guilty” for taking time, or doing anything for ourselves.  However, this is often one of the beliefs that keep us from healing.  It is important to do nice things for ourselves, especially when trying to heal.  Taking a hot bath, a long shower, listening to favorite music, asking to be alone, asking to talk, having a massage, taking a walk, doing yoga, doing our art/expression (painting, journaling/writing, making or singing music, dancing, or pastels). Whatever it is we do is not important, only that it brings us back to ourselves in a way that is calming, centering, loving, and healing.
               Notable here, at number three, is our general permission to make boundaries with ourselves and with others.  When we embark on a journey such as this, our boundaries often require some attention and voice in order to help it all work for us.  This is integral to the work, and sometimes this IS the work itself! Those close to us, after all, are sometimes the very ones who help us hold our old patterns in place.  It may be helpful to begin with an honest inventory of what is needed, and become clearer on what kind of support we may need in order to create these necessary changes.  It is also healthy to SLOW DOWN the process at any point, make a boundary with ourselves, and rest. This is not a race, nor, is there a known destination. When in doubt or overwhelmed, refer back to numbers one and two. 
                  With these external and internal resources in play, we are ready to embark deeper on our journey.  It is generally important that we allow ourselves to express our feelings throughout the adventure.  As we learn to accept ourselves for how we feel and think, we become easier for ourselves to hang out with.  Talking with our support group (or person), writing in a journal, or personal expression (crying, yelling, expressive movement, expressive art, singing) can be very helpful tools for the work at hand. Many people find that exercise, particularly walking, is extremely important for this process.  Others explore various modalities of healing and actively seek their answers this way.  Some read copious amounts of books.  There seems to be a theme for those who have created a space for this healing to occur: it begins to occur. Recognizing it helps this process.
                Be gentle with yourself. Healing gradually happens in layers over time.  Sometimes it seems we are not making progress; other times we will be aware of how far we have come.  It is not a journey for the uncaring, or the weak of spirit.  When we take the steps, however, we can look forward to a day when we are becoming a person we like hanging out alone with.  Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting, and for embarking on this journey with me to build a more trauma informed world. Take good care! 

              

Here we are moving into spring, as the fog lifts to reveal singing birds and sprouting seeds. We have survived one of the most challenging twelve months in the lives of most of us, entangled with uncertainty, adaptation, fear, loss, and heroism.  Some people were able to thrive, while others have struggled deeply. It has been a challenge for all, and we continue to learn our steps forward: one by one. The past year has not necessarily been traumatic for each individual, though it absolutely has been for some. It certainly has met the definition of trauma from a macro-perspective: for humanity, as a whole. 

When we have experienced something that exceeds our resources to deal with (trauma), we have to polarize in order to continue functioning. This means that a system has to hold the trauma in one place, while continuing to function in a different place (of said system).  Take the past year, as our working example. A majority of people had strong beliefs (driven, no doubt by their unique experiences) regarding differing views of wearing masks, closing schools, curfews, and the politics involved.  Add in the racial events, the election, and the general sense of powerlessness, and we have a perfect storm for traumatic responses.  As a system of people, we did not have the resources to manage this as a unified front.  We had to polarize. Every side of the spectrum believed that their perspective was the most helpful, or the truest. 

It is the very same for an individual, as we each have hundreds of ‘parts’ that comprise our personality. These parts are often called Ego States in Psychology.  And when an individual experiences trauma, their ego states generally polarize; taking the side of the trauma, or the side of ‘appearing normal’ functioning.  The healing when any system has endured polarization in order to survive, lies in the integration once the storm has passed. We must begin to remember how we are similar, that we share common goals, and that we can work together as one. 

One of the issues with our recent national and worldly issues, is that we do not have certainty that the proverbial storm has passed. Many people are still clinging to their polar views, as if their survival depended on it.  And from a nervous system perspective, it does.  We know, however, that longer periods of dysregulation are neither healthy nor necessary from a survival standpoint. We can start to regulate that nervous system through beginning to notice the present day.  Our own yard is likely safe.  Our natural environments may hold some peace and beauty, which we can relax into.  Have our medical professionals provided heroic care?  Have our grocery stores kept the shelves stocked? What are we grateful for? 

Once we are able to achieve our own regulation, we can begin to see the world through a more unified lens.  We can begin to notice the ways in which our nervous system protected us through polarity thinking, and look for ways to begin to regulate that as well. Is your neighbor still quite afraid? Don’t mock them, or ridicule them! Find a way toward acceptance, by noticing your similarities.  Are your community members being “careless” too soon? Take peace in your own precautions, and focus on something enjoyable about them.  What is helpful about wanting to move forward with life?

And within ourselves, is where it gets fun! Imagine your own inner system! How are your ego states currently being in relationship with one another? Are there frightened parts, heroic parts? Are there protective parts, and destructive parts? This is all quite normal, and rest assured, a natural response to certain stressors and adversities.  We can be that higher consciousness for our ego states, by generating an air of acceptance and inquisitiveness. We can begin to heal our own inner polarities as well, simply by accepting those paradoxes within ourselves. We learn to ‘hold them both at the same time’, because we are very capable of that. 

We are capable of that and so much more. We can learn to tolerate not only our own paradoxes with love and acceptance, but also those of our families, communities, and world. We are never going to believe likewise about most things, but we can broaden our abilities to accept differences and to continue seeking how we are all similar. There is a great deal of remedy available when we can consciously make this shift.  This remedy may be available to every area human beings have divided, given that we become adept at it. 

Another step forward, may then be to examine how the system can increase its integrating resources, so that if trauma occurs again in the future the same splits may be less likely to occur. What tools help us to stay whole, internally, when there is something that would have exceeded our previous resources?  What activities or practices help us to stay unified as neighborhoods and communities, in the face of adversity?

Perhaps there are communities that feel they have been successful in mutual support, that will have good ideas to share as we move forward. Certainly, every one of us is essentially an ego state of our human collective. In this we all have something important we can share, once we are feeling safe and accepted.  I hope that you have enjoyed reading and are well, warm, full and fulfilled.  Feel free to comment below, share the link to my website, and please, have a beautiful, trauma informed week. 

Catalysts for healing, can be inductions, reminders, or encouragements. They are not forced, but are opened to instead. They are the mere effort of trying a different action, such as changing a thought, or making a sound.  They initiate in the forms of stories or movies, in which we work with our own psyche, while the characters unfold their plots.  They are an emotional release, a talk with a loved one, time in nature, a song. They continue with the implementation of a new behavior, or action to stop an old habit.  They visit as a gift from nature, or another soul.  They manifest as a present from deep within our own intuition in the form of a dream, or new idea.  They birth with a simple drumbeat, or the notice of our own drumming heart inside.  
 
With all the possibilities, why do many of us stay stuck in old patterns with which we are unhappy?
 
Often, we are blocked by our own perception of the enormity of the task at hand, that we miss the simple calls within and outside of ourselves.  We become too focused on the outcome, and lose sight of the beauty in each small step of the journey.  We guilt ourselves for hearing the call, because we have yet to do anything about it. We fear what life will look like without this problem.  Sometimes, we even feel that we do not deserve to feel better.  Perhaps there is a trauma blocking the path, such as an unresolved loss or shame. The polarities inside sometimes require attention, before the simple calls can be more clearly heard.  
 
Take Heart!  The magic continues to brew all the time.  It is patient. It is infinite.  It waits for us to be ready, and reminds us along the way. It is in the song-bird, and the creek when we are looking for the ocean and the eagle.  It is often in the smallest and simplest of places and ideas.  
 
I know from my own work, (and work with others) this one thing: we are often expecting a major surgery when healing is gradual and progressive.  We may miss the beautiful signs because they are not intense enough to match our idea of a destination, perceptually completely apart from where we currently sit.  We are already here, in this one perfect spot on the journey! It is safe to take a breath and a current inventory.  It is good to look and listen, to calm and wait openly.  There is no surgeon who can cut out this part of you, that hurts and writhes so.  
 
And it is the waiting openly that can bring such terror, apprehension, or disgust; for it is here that the pain becomes more evident. It is much more comfortable to keep moving, though we miss the beauty in the signs.  The bracing and avoidance are not healing, but oftentimes distractions; old ways of coping that were never meant to be long-term solutions.  They help us feel more in control, and often do succeed in helping us keep functioning.  In this light, it is important to recognize when we still need them to some degree.  This writhing part needs us, as well, and the pain can often begin to shift as we learn to turn more competently within.
 
The medicine awaits us all.  It will wait forever if it is necessary, for us to brush away the other disillusionments and find the path. Thank you all for reading, your comments and sharing this post with others.  We are working together to create a more trauma informed world.  Until next time, be well and be open.  You never know where the initiation to your next step will present itself. 

Given that grief is something every one of us will face in various degrees throughout our lifetime, it is not surprising how uncomfortable most of us feel when faced with a grieving person.  We generally struggle with ‘the right thing to say’, or rely too heavily on antics which sometimes cause more harm than good.  Most readers would never intentionally invalidate the feelings of another person, and yet it happens frequently and is often unconscious.  We generally say the statements we’ve heard others say, or turn to our own belief system.  Sometimes the pressure of the situation completely shuts down our authenticity and we revert to some old adage. It is my hope that this article can bring some insight into why some of our well-meant statements are actually insensitive, and make some suggestions on what to say/do instead.

As a therapist, I am often amazed at the statements my grieving clients are offered by their friends and family. Some of the examples are:

•    She must have driven you crazy that last year. Now you can get some rest finally.
•    It was what you signed up for.
•    You just have to move on! Get back in the game!
•    He was just not meant to be your forever person.
•    Now you can live your own life and not have to care for him/her anymore.
•    At least you have/don’t have children together.

Now, if you have been a person who has said something of this sort: I promise this is not an attack.  We all know that talking about loss is uncomfortable, and we are all struggling to do our best when there is a hard situation happening to a loved one or acquaintance.  Most of us just want them to feel better.  But, our denial of their feelings does not make their feelings go away. Let’s look at some of the more commonly used statements in our society.

“They are in a better place now.” This is a statement that is generally accepted as the right thing to say, and is a ready fallback to many people who are otherwise at a loss.  It may be helpful if your relationship with the griever is such, that you know their belief system involves a ‘better place’. However, it is inappropriate to say to a stranger or acquaintance, and can actually be quite triggering.  Keep in mind that this is not the time to push a belief system upon a person who is already raw and vulnerable. The truth is that the griever may not know/believe in a better place or, they may actually be angry at a higher power, whom they generally do believe in.  That anger is a natural part of the healing process for some people, and a safe bet is just to leave religion out of the conversation unless you are very sure it is going to be helpful. One of my clients felt angered by this statement, just because “everyone said it”.  This caused her to feel that it was disingenuous.  

“You will meet new people.” This statement is ultimately invalidating to the special loss a griever may be experiencing.  You can get a new glass of milk.  You can buy new sneakers, or cars.  You cannot replace life, or people, or animals.  Pretending that someone can ‘just go get another friend’ is hugely insensitive and completely unhelpful. Other statements that fall into this category are: “You will date again”, “You can get another dog/pet”, or “I have a friend I want to introduce you to”.  Generally, it is difficult to see our loved ones ‘alone and grieving’.  However, this is part of their process and we must have backbone and grit in friendships in order to be good friends. 

“I understand what you are going through.” There are times when a grieving person may be isolating for a period of time, and this is sometimes concerning to friends and family.  One of the reasons for this, is sometimes that people are not able to understand what the griever is going through.  One person can never truly understand another person’s unique emotional experience, and so this statement is simply untrue.  We have a better chance of understanding, even a little, when we just listen and act as if what the griever is telling us is completely new to us (because it is).  We have never talked to this person about this loss before, and so it is a new experience.  

“How are you doing?”.  This is a well-meaning question, but far too normal for this crazy situation the griever finds themselves in.  “How are you doing?” is a canned statement we use for passersby and as part of introducing daily small talk in our circles.  Many of us generally do not even want the real answer when we ask this question.  The griever you just asked this question to is having some of the worst and empty days of their life.  The question forces them to possibly shut down, and give you the canned answer that is socially appropriate. The other option for them is to actually tell you, which you should then be prepared with some authenticity and genuine support.  Just saying. 

“They are not in pain anymore.” This can actually bring great comfort for certain people at certain times.  And yet, for some people this does not bring relief, and can cause great pain.  If their loved one really suffered, this statement can actually engage those painful memories. It really boils down to, again, the relationship and how well we know the person we are speaking to.  

Here are some suggestions for comments that may be more validating and/or supportive, for those of you interested in upping your grief game. 
•    This evening I am cooking dinner.  Is it alright with you if I bring you a plate?
•    I know that you are hurting, and I really want to be here to listen if you decide you’d like to talk.
•    I miss this person too.  Please let me know if you’d ever like to share memories with me.  
•    They will be very missed.  I am genuinely sorry that we have lost them.
•    Tomorrow I am making a trash run, do you have anything I can take for you?
•    I know you will feel different from day to day, or minute to minute.  Just know that I am here to connect. 
•    If you ever just want to talk, we can talk about anything you’d like.  We can talk about your loss, or avoid the topic    completely. It is up to you and I just want to be present for you. We can just sit together in silence, I am completely comfortable with that.
•    Would you like for me to take (your dog) for a walk when I walk (my dog)? Would you like to come along?


Thank you all for reading and increasing your tool-kits. We are all integral to creating new, and more trauma informed ways of being with one another.  This requires vulnerability and a willingness to build new habits.  My hope is that we can all continue to make small steps in healing that will make big impacts on our communities and future connections. Please visit the links below for more information on grief recovery, or the virtual calming room for self-regulation. Feel free to share. Be well and have a wonderful week! 

Beliefs are a powerful substructure that affect our life experiences on every level, and many of us are not aware of the beliefs we carry. They have direct and indirect influence on our actions, and thus, often validate themselves through us.  Our interpretation is that they are confirmed, solely, through the external world, which is generally not the case.  Case and point: if one believes that they are not likable, they tend to act differently around people. This person may be more reserved, have slumped posture, poor eye contact, perhaps hypervigilant to ‘proof’, or with more defense mechanisms at play.  Because of this behavior, others experience this person as ‘closed off’ or ‘defensive’, ‘hard to reach’, or ‘disingenuous’, and are not warm and friendly as a result. The person interprets the ‘chill’ as proof they are not likable, and further shuts off from future social opportunities.
 
The cycles can go on and on, until we gain clarity on our belief substructures that are affecting us. We can then evaluate which beliefs may be ‘hand-me-downs’ from earlier life, and therefore, no longer true or helpful. Other examples of common maladaptive beliefs are:

• I am bad/unworthy
• It is (all) my fault
• I am stupid (or some variation)
• I am wrong
• I should have done more
• I am a burden
• I am not good enough
• The world is unsafe/I am not safe (too general, this is sometimes true but not always)
• I am not trustworthy/the world is not trustworthy
• I have to produce in order to have worth
• I deserve to have this problem
• I am broken/damaged

 
Once we recognize the undercurrents at play, we can find the places where we have power to change: primarily our behaviors and self-talk. Finding the maladaptive belief's antidote, can be a great place to start. Explore a belief you would prefer to have there, and begin to imagine how your behavior would change if you held this antidotal belief instead.  What would it look like, socially, to believe that you are inherently likable? What would it look like to have worth, regardless of productivity? To be, simply, good enough?
 
Here’s the thing: these beliefs are often held by a part of us. Some part of us is certain of their truth, and therefore, it is not  so easy as to just ‘believe differently’.  This is a journey of healing, not furthering the gaps between where we are and where we are supposed to be.  Acceptance, patience, and understanding are the cornerstones for our improved foundations. We are not going to keep pretending here! However, healing also means that we can acknowledge these elements within ourselves and begin to nurture their very growth. We can learn how this part of us, has been trying to help us by holding onto this belief.

• “I am broken” may be protecting from the pain of being vulnerable again.
• “I am wrong” may be validating a perpetrator of an earlier life trauma.
• “I deserve to have this problem” may be keeping hard feelings at bay.

 
That being said, once we identify a belief we’d like to change: it must be a gentle and steady process.  We can, gradually, begin to find situations in which these beliefs can be further tested, in calm and loving ways. 

•  Let’s play on the original example of the person who believes they are not likable. Once they have gained awareness               of their internal conflict around likability (this may be a protective aspect of the person preventing them from the perceived danger of getting close to others), this person can begin to gradually alter their behaviors while in social situations. They do this with a curious and explorative spirit: “What happens when I make eye contact more often, and smile?”  “What happens when I stand up straighter?”.  

 
Over time, we can begin to invalidate the beliefs we have been handed, and develop those beliefs that are truer to our present-day spirit, dreams, and abilities. We can also begin to acknowledge and honor the parts of ourselves that have, so ingeniously, been helpful.  I look forward to hearing back from you, in the comments below.  Feel free to share, to visit the free resources below, and to come back for the next step of the journey towards a more trauma informed world. Have a wonderful week!
​

​One of the keys to being a more trauma informed world, is that more people are learning how to self-regulate.  We typically learn this from co-regulating with attuned, calm and helpful care-givers when we are in the pre-verbal age and as we further develop.  The rest of the world must choose to learn and practice it later in life. There are many great theories and resources for learning about and practicing self-regulation.  Steven Purges’ Polyvagal Theory is a favorite, and his website can be found below, along with other resources pertinent to this article.
 
When we begin to regulate the nervous system, there are several biological and neurological changes we are attempting to interact with.  Not only are we working to balance the sympathetic and parasympathetic responses, we are working to move neural activity from the brain-stem and limbic system (mid-brain) to reintegrate our access to frontal lobe (pre-frontal cortex) functions. Many wise and gifted humans have worked over time to develop tools that help this to occur, from the shamanic drumming of thousands of years ago to our modern use of imagery, mindfulness, and somatic based therapies. Some of the most powerful tools are found to be the simplest, and in the language of the sensory functions we all contain.  
 
Taking a moment to listen to a calming sound in our environment, for example, or smelling a clean essential oil can bring very nice beginnings. Looking around the room slowly and noting the safety that is inherent (in the moment) can help our brain stems begin to relax.  Taking a conscious breath, either with structured breathing exercises, or simply in a noticeably more rhythmic fashion, can begin to engage the pre-frontal cortex. And, finally, our ability to imagine has a powerful effect on which direction our nervous system will take us. How many times have we imagined a catastrophe, just to find ourselves in a fight or flight response with no genuine danger present?
 
Beginning, then, to imagine a calm place can bring a semblance of inner peace for many people. Imagining a kind animal, a beautiful flower unfolding, or some sample of the magnificent landscapes available to us on this planet are a few suggestions. We can remember to keep that rhythmic breathing, while we are imagining a calming scene, and focus on some aspect of the body as it is relaxing. This is the language of regulation.        
 
It is a given that no two people will respond to the same scenes or exercises, as our uniqueness is inherent to us.  However, once we find several methods of regulation that work for us, we can begin to practice them in calm and stressful situations alike.  And, if we grow powerful enough to promote our own self-regulation, we may have profound effects on the chaotic environments we periodically find ourselves in.  
 
Please visit the link, below, for access to a calm place meditation as well as other resources available from this writer and on the web.  Have a wonderful and trauma informed week.  Feel free to comment below, and share with your friends and family. 



​ 
 
Steven Purges’ Polyvagal Theory: https://www.stephenporges.com
 
https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/resources/Beginner's%20Guide.pdf
 
Breathing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tOJZQhO_Uw
 

At this point in time, most of us have experienced something we would define as traumatic in life. Many have experienced multiple traumas, with few lasting symptoms or related issues. My favorite explanation is that we are adaptive beings capable of, and constantly moving toward, healing. It is true that resiliency is a known trait to all living things on this often harsh planet. With this as an assumption, then, what is it that sometimes prevents this adaptation from occurring?

One commonly used definition of trauma states: “Trauma is the psychological and bodily response to experiencing a terrible event that overwhelms the system’s ability to process and adapt”.   There are times when our internal and external resources are simply not powerful enough to process the magnitude of the event. In some instances, a powerful belief has blocked the healing process from occurring. Maybe we do not feel we deserve to be healthy again, because somehow the traumatic event was our fault.  Perhaps surviving a catastrophe when so many did not, creates a struggle of our own worth and deserving to be well. Healing modalities can often help identify and shift the blocking beliefs, and increase the internal and external resources, which collaboratively may enable our own inner healing capabilities to click into gear. 

The results of unprocessed trauma can be diverse, ranging from a common diagnostic category called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to other symptoms and behaviors that appear as mood disorders, conduct disorders, memory and processing disorders, dissociative disorders, somatization disorders, and attention-deficit symptoms, just to name a few. Sometimes, people who carry unresolved trauma are emotionally reactive or dysregulated; they may relive the trauma in dreams or some level of reality, and they may find it difficult to trust and connect to loved ones.  Survivors may be withdrawn and depressed, or contrarily, overly social and lacking in boundaries.  Anxiety in various forms is common, as well as sleep disturbance, self-destructive behavior, addictive behavior, or problems with concentration.  In terms of the question of diagnosis and behaviors, we each have a unique expression.  A more important question may be: How do we re-initiate our adaptive, healing capacities to assist in resolving the trauma so these behaviors are no longer necessary?

Family and community members can be extremely helpful in this process, as these comprise our supportive, external resources. Validation and acknowledgement are a tremendous gift if someone decides to share some part of their experience.  Basically, we want to communicate understanding that this journey is difficult for them, while avoiding the urge to share our own trauma or to advise them to “get on with their lives”.  Empathy and compassion go a long way.  Making a plan with loved ones who become emotionally triggered can be a gift, so that there are agreed upon coping/calming skills in place when this does occur.  Staying calm in these moments is very important, because often survivors require co-regulation for a while before they re-learn (or learn for the first time) how to self-regulate. 

Those who are trying to heal from trauma need, more than anything else; compassion, safety, patience, and understanding.  A natural inclination is to attempt to change the person's thinking, to deny their feelings or experience, or to move the conversation to a 'lighter' topic. These inclinations are great to follow if one is avoidant of having a deep and meaningful relation with their loved one.  Anything of more sustenance will require a bit more of an effort, of course, and the payback can be great.  After all, those who have been through challenges often have a gift of unconventional measure to offer. I hope this article gives a greater depth of understanding for those who are struggling with unresolved trauma and for the loved ones who may be helpful to them on their journey. Please feel free to comment or post inquiries below or elsewhere on this website.  Until next time, have a beautiful and healing day.

 Why, then, do we exclude, fear, judge, alienate individuals who are known to be on it?  One of the most obvious reasons is that, because of the stigma, many of those who are ‘doing well’ and functioning are not ‘coming out’ about their disorder.  Therefore, we only hear, or know, about the individuals who are not able to keep the big white flag of (seeming) normalcy flying above their heads. However, the dissociative spectrum is alive and well all over the world, ranging in manifestations such as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formally known as multiple personality disorder) to PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). On the lesser end of the spectrum is ‘everybody else’, and I mean everybody. We all dissociate, as this is an element of having a human brain. Think of driving hypnosis, where you get home but do not exactly remember the drive. Think of when you get so absorbed in a movie that you block out what is going on around you.  
 
People who dissociate ‘clinically’, do so because of a habituation of this typical brain response. These individuals learned to use this tool, at an early age, to manage trauma and adversity. In many dangerous situations, it is safer to dissociate than to react in fight/flight. Children find this an especially true fact, because they are vulnerable and do not hold the power necessary to enact a successful fight/flight in these types of situations.  Also, dissociation looks like compliance, settling down, calming (though it is actually shutting down), and is seen as an appropriate response to an adult who may value these qualities in a child. It can be the most adaptive, available response to the child at the time.  Over time these survival tactics become the primary response to all manner of stressors, unique to each individual, and a habitual state of coping.
 
The media has done great damage to the fairly large group of people higher in this dissociative spectrum. The inadequate, and sometimes dangerous representations of movie and series characters has created additional layers of misunderstanding above an already mysterious phenomenon.  Additionally, the field of psychotherapy does not include adequate training on dissociation when training new providers, often stating historically, that dissociative disorders are ‘rare’ or 'controversial'. It is stated statistically that 2.4 % of people in the industrialized populations in the world meet the diagnostic criteria for complex dissociative disorders. For perspective, 5.9 % of people in the United States are diagnosed with depression in 2021 so far (world population review). 
 
Nevertheless, it is because of this general misunderstanding that the individuals who seek help for their ‘puzzling’ experiences often have a difficult time landing with a clinician who understands dissociation.  The field must improve in its ability to properly train providers in recognizing the signs, at least, and to refer individuals to therapists who can properly pace and treat the unique representations of any particular client. We must get better at realizing that the client is the expert of their unique experience, and the clinician is, but a guide. And us, as the “civilian public” must get better at recognizing the stigmas and at informing ourselves with the truths currently available. These truths will primarily come from the adaptive survivors, whom have been previously misunderstood. 
 
There are a plethora of great resources for those, curious at heart, and a couple are posted below to further explore this subject.  It is an exciting time to be both clinician and client, when our understandings of neuroscience and effective therapies are continuing to merge.  The pandemic may be serving to further break the stigma around receiving therapeutic help as well, as many people are realizing how helpful therapy can be with or without a ‘serious’ mental health disorder. Many on the higher ends of complex dissociating do not frame their experience as a disorder, but an adaptation to a disordered world. Part of being trauma informed, is that we are changing the language that proliferates these stigmas we have held for generations because of our own dissociative tendencies. But, more on that topic later on.  Until then, be well and have a trauma informed day. 
 
https://aninfinitemind.com/resources.html#dissoc
https://www.isst-d.org

What is trauma informed care and who needs to care about it?  We all do! We are all facing life together, at various and unique angles. And, as if we haven’t noticed yet, life can be raw, traumatizing, and sometimes stressful at the least. Every person has a responsibility as we move forward in a more trauma informed society. The mailman, the neighbor, the EMT, the school teacher, the surfer, the homeless; everyone has a role to play.  Many of the issues that get under our skin, are related to trauma in some direct or indirect way.  It is not personal, though we react and respond in a personal way often causing the triggered person to miss another chance at a corrective experience.
 
And why should we care if they have a corrective experience or not? 

1. We are prosocial beings who care about one another.
2. We are all in this boat together.
3. It feels good to treat other people kindly.
4. We learn something from every human interaction we have.
5. We actually form and strengthen positive neural connections through our positive social interactions with others.
6. As we all collectively get better at this, you may have a better experience down the road when you are in need of such a corrective experience.
7. Insert your own amazing reason here.

 
So, what does it mean to be “trauma informed”?  We hear it a great deal in medical settings, or in residential, therapeutic settings.  “Trauma informed care” has been one of the buzz phrases for over ten years now, though has not been very quick to ‘take off’ in the broader sense.  Implementing changes in residential care in order to move towards a trauma informed paradigm, for example, may involve systemic changes in how staff talk to (and about) residents, how resident behaviors are treated (sent to room versus patiently talked through it), and having a focus on coping skills and tools available, versus punishment for ‘behavioral outbursts’.  
 
It is easy to see, why talking about forming a more trauma informed WORLD can be somewhat overwhelming.  What systemic changes will need to take place in our societal expectations and social interactions, and on what scale of the population in order to create lasting effects? This is why I am just writing to you, personally.  See, if you and I can begin a change within, then we have something to focus upon that is not so overwhelming.  We start with learning to understand trauma and how it affects the nervous system, and brain/body connection. As we gain in understanding, we can begin to notice and frame the behaviors and actions of others differently. 
 
The hostile woman in the ER is actually in a legitimate fight response, (a normal limbic system response to danger and threat), which means that finding ways to help her feel safe and heard are the only means of helping her nervous system to calm down.  Spanking the screaming child at Walmart will only serve to further escalate.  Through that may appear to be calming down in one sense (dissociation/freeze response), it is not actually regulation. The chronically depressed woman is not just ‘being negative’, or ‘not trying’, but is actually in a stuck freeze response. The way out of the freeze response is terrifying (fight/flight) and not one of the woman’s doctors or medical team has adopted this theory, nor do they know how to treat it.  
 
These are only a few examples of how trauma is often misunderstood by most of the world’s people.  This blog is dedicated to an exploration of knowledge and examples, with the mission of promoting a deeper understanding of trauma and how we can all begin to take deliberate, small steps to being a stronger and more integrated people; people who care about other people enough to be informed.  Stay tuned for more information weekly, and feel free to comment below.