Polarities as Survival

Here we are moving into spring, as the fog lifts to reveal singing birds and sprouting seeds. We have survived one of the most challenging twelve months in the lives of most of us, entangled with uncertainty, adaptation, fear, loss, and heroism.  Some people were able to thrive, while others have struggled deeply. It has been a challenge for all, and we continue to learn our steps forward: one by one. The past year has not necessarily been traumatic for each individual, though it absolutely has been for some. It certainly has met the definition of trauma from a macro-perspective: for humanity, as a whole. 

When we have experienced something that exceeds our resources to deal with (trauma), we have to polarize in order to continue functioning. This means that a system has to hold the trauma in one place, while continuing to function in a different place (of said system).  Take the past year, as our working example. A majority of people had strong beliefs (driven, no doubt by their unique experiences) regarding differing views of wearing masks, closing schools, curfews, and the politics involved.  Add in the racial events, the election, and the general sense of powerlessness, and we have a perfect storm for traumatic responses.  As a system of people, we did not have the resources to manage this as a unified front.  We had to polarize. Every side of the spectrum believed that their perspective was the most helpful, or the truest. 

It is the very same for an individual, as we each have hundreds of ‘parts’ that comprise our personality. These parts are often called Ego States in Psychology.  And when an individual experiences trauma, their ego states generally polarize; taking the side of the trauma, or the side of ‘appearing normal’ functioning.  The healing when any system has endured polarization in order to survive, lies in the integration once the storm has passed. We must begin to remember how we are similar, that we share common goals, and that we can work together as one. 

One of the issues with our recent national and worldly issues, is that we do not have certainty that the proverbial storm has passed. Many people are still clinging to their polar views, as if their survival depended on it.  And from a nervous system perspective, it does.  We know, however, that longer periods of dysregulation are neither healthy nor necessary from a survival standpoint. We can start to regulate that nervous system through beginning to notice the present day.  Our own yard is likely safe.  Our natural environments may hold some peace and beauty, which we can relax into.  Have our medical professionals provided heroic care?  Have our grocery stores kept the shelves stocked? What are we grateful for? 

Once we are able to achieve our own regulation, we can begin to see the world through a more unified lens.  We can begin to notice the ways in which our nervous system protected us through polarity thinking, and look for ways to begin to regulate that as well. Is your neighbor still quite afraid? Don’t mock them, or ridicule them! Find a way toward acceptance, by noticing your similarities.  Are your community members being “careless” too soon? Take peace in your own precautions, and focus on something enjoyable about them.  What is helpful about wanting to move forward with life?

And within ourselves, is where it gets fun! Imagine your own inner system! How are your ego states currently being in relationship with one another? Are there frightened parts, heroic parts? Are there protective parts, and destructive parts? This is all quite normal, and rest assured, a natural response to certain stressors and adversities.  We can be that higher consciousness for our ego states, by generating an air of acceptance and inquisitiveness. We can begin to heal our own inner polarities as well, simply by accepting those paradoxes within ourselves. We learn to ‘hold them both at the same time’, because we are very capable of that. 

We are capable of that and so much more. We can learn to tolerate not only our own paradoxes with love and acceptance, but also those of our families, communities, and world. We are never going to believe likewise about most things, but we can broaden our abilities to accept differences and to continue seeking how we are all similar. There is a great deal of remedy available when we can consciously make this shift.  This remedy may be available to every area human beings have divided, given that we become adept at it. 

Another step forward, may then be to examine how the system can increase its integrating resources, so that if trauma occurs again in the future the same splits may be less likely to occur. What tools help us to stay whole, internally, when there is something that would have exceeded our previous resources?  What activities or practices help us to stay unified as neighborhoods and communities, in the face of adversity?

Perhaps there are communities that feel they have been successful in mutual support, that will have good ideas to share as we move forward. Certainly, every one of us is essentially an ego state of our human collective. In this we all have something important we can share, once we are feeling safe and accepted.  I hope that you have enjoyed reading and are well, warm, full and fulfilled.  Feel free to comment below, share the link to my website, and please, have a beautiful, trauma informed week.