The Ah-Ha Moment

​​Tabitha rummaged through her files of antiquated writings, pre-published articles, and barely salvaged sets of paragraphs.  She was becoming frantic, the survival terrors setting in of all the life events she would miss if she did not start writing this book.  “I may as well have remained a heroin addict in the Tenderloin”, she considered aloud.  Tabitha had experienced writer’s block for over half the year, at this juncture, much too long for someone holding a passionate dream such as hers.  

 “If I could just find a starter paragraph, maybe I could take off from there”, she thought, as the file folders drifted in front of her eyes from the blue screen. 

Tabitha’s passion to write reawakened about the same time as her writer’s block reared its familiar head. In an unfair juxtaposition, anxiety resulted and seemed endless. Tabitha was certain, that somehow, she could find a way to right the wrongs of her past. Like jumping cholla cactus, her deeds clung to her fervently and desperately awaiting the next water hole.  Tabitha trudged along, literally as far as her mind would allow her to, before succumbing to that long-practiced phone call for therapy.  

Her friends were not surprised, when they learned of her new therapy. “Well, you’ve always been just a little out there”, her comrade had informed.  What did surprise Tabitha, was when it actually seemed to start working.  She had expected more of the same, and the excuses that could follow: “Well, I did try to get help for that”.  Instead, Tabitha found herself becoming awakened to long boxed and forgotten purpose. As the inside calls became louder, Tabitha had begun to wonder if she may need therapy from her therapy.

After nearly a six months with this therapist (playfully called “T”), the transitioning woman had begun to practice just enough self-care to begin calming the storms. And underneath those storms were, well, the dreaded feelings! Tabitha had come to realize she was nurturing the storms, in order to be adequately distracted from the feelings.  The plan was genius except for the fact that her ‘self’ had been eroded along the way, little by precious little. “The Book” had become a pressure cooker for redemption, as far as Tabitha was concerned.

That is until T suggested it may be, yet, another genius distraction.

Tabitha expressed her agitation with her helping professional, who looked on calmly for the duration.  
“I thought you would be happy that I have a life goal!”, Tabitha huffed.
“I mean, there is a lot that I have to offer the world, and aren't you supposed to be helping me!”.  

T suggested an imagery practice and Tabitha begrudgingly agreed. As T guided the imagery to the agreed upon calm place, Tabitha began to feel her shoulders relaxing. 

"Go to your forest by your creek, and hear the whispering of the water over the stones. Smell the creek air, and breath that into your body. Be there in your bare feet and feel that creek energy beneath you. Feel the breeze on your skin, and listen to the soft rustle of leaves all around you."

T used these familiar suggestions, and Tabitha rejoined her spirit and her mind.  The session ended on a positive note, with Tabitha remembering that T was on her side. As Tabitha was leaving the office, T reminded, "If you find peace inside of yourself, that's when the magic happens. That may be more important than anything you are achieving externally."

“Why did I become so upset in the earlier part of that session?”, Tabitha pondered, much later that day. 

“Ever since I realized I was sleep-walking, I have been trying to stay awake. I have been trying to find a way to help others. The idea of this book gives me a feeling of meaning. Yet, when the imagery begins in therapy I am able to feel more relaxed and present than any other times in my week.  If I NEED to write this book to stay ‘awake’, then why am I feeling so uptight about the whole project. Why do I feel more alive, than ever, when I just relax and use my imagination?”

This is when it happened! Tabitha remembered her own calm place! For the first time since she initiated therapy, Tabitha brought herself back to that Creekside forest for fresh air.  She heard the creek bubble over the stones, and felt the cool, wet dirt on her bare feet. She breathed the moistened air deep into her own body. She felt at peace, and remembered herself.

“Maybe it is not about what we create externally”, she stated. 
“Maybe it is just about staying in this relaxed, present moment place!”
“Maybe my gift to the world, and to myself is just this: learning to hold this place!”
“Could it really be that simple?” 

The universe giggled. The End.

Ways to come back to the present moment:

3-minute breathing space
calm place meditation
5-4-3-2-1

Find simple exercises here:

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Virtual Calming Rom